GAMBLING ADDICTION: How to start & maintain your recovery during Covid-19 isolation
What a crazy couple of weeks this has been. I would be lying if I said this hasn’t been challenging, emotional and anxiety-provoking to have our lives turned upside down over just a few days and weeks. One moment we were living life and taking most of our day to day habits for granted, and the next we are sitting at home with our freedoms taken away, wondering if there is anything further that can change next. The changes are not just for a week or two either, they could last for months.
This is a really tough period of time for so many reasons and the psychological impact is going to be enormous. Thinking of all the people who will lose loved ones, lose jobs, security, homes and day to day stability. The shutdowns will result in loneliness and isolation and the fear experienced by people who are already helpless will increase.
Those with pre-existing anxiety disorders, depression and/or addiction might be pushed to breaking point by the long periods of isolation, loss of routine, inability to access support or provide themselves with a safe structure that has previously helped them stay well in recovery.
My heart really does go out to so many groups of people right now. Still I wanted to start writing this blog for all you addicted gamblers since this is a group of people whom I have dedicated 15 years of my life to treating in my clinic.
It would probably be worth saying, that the virus itself will likely be less of a problem for most gamblers than the psychological challenge of having to stay indoors, away from people, and losing income/jobs, function, hobbies and ability to connect with support. That’s of course not to say that you should be casual about the risk of the virus or that it is not OK to feel scared about that too.
For recovering gamblers the Covid-19 situation and all that it comes with could be truly catastrophic if you don’t take immediate steps here to protect yourself & adapt
Let us take a closer look at why this is;
What is it about this lockdown period so hard for gamblers?
# No peers available to support and distract
# Possibly no family/partner (if such have for example been lost during gambling) or if family is present such relationships may be very strained and difficult to maintain during a ‘lockdown’ at home together.
# No possibility of engaging in newly established habits that have been used to keep you safe
# No money – let’s face it a lot of businesses and employees will be losing their income and money.
# Mounting stress of needing money to pay for rent/mortgage, bills, food etc
# Too much time on one’s hands!
# Boredom: most addicted gamblers find it hard to deal with boredom and this can definitely become an issue for a few months now…
# All the extra time to overthink and ruminate over past losses, regret behaviours, worry about the future, or skive off into fantasy mode and start making excuses to yourself that gambling is OK
# Cancelled exercise classes and organised hobbies might just drop out the schedule – for many of you who have quit gambling you know that exercise is a REALLY important part of it
# Rewards are out the window; we spoke a lot about rewards before and I wrote about how important it is to plan ahead for rewards in order to prevent a state of boredom and a situation where you start looking for stimulation in all the wrong places – it would be fair to say that you will now need to rethink these rewards very quickly!
# Loss of routine and healthy habits; if you are not careful your day will be about as productive and stimulating as if you were in prison. Possibly with the difference that you might have a phone/laptop which dangerously provides you with access to gambling.
# anxiety and depression levels are off the charts for a variety of reasons, and your known ‘go to’ has always been the gambling
#Savings – if there were any, will possibly be gone soon
# Job loss; many people have lost their jobs and businesses as a result of the lockdowns
Of the very few things available still – gambling had to be one of them
Adding to the pain is the idea of one’s peace disturbed by seductive adverts sent out by one of the few industries that does not appear to be bound by any moral codes of conduct!! The industry does not appear even a tad bit guilty for trying to get people to come online and waste their money at a time when nobody is even making any !!
As they would be well aware, this is a time when people are particularly likely to want to leave behind their daily boredom and step into a fantasy, where gambling wins can provide for a more lavish existence- all within reach by just keeping the habit of gambling going online. We DO NOT want to give them this satisfaction. Let us look at how we can take all possible steps to prevent you from being a contributor to the absolute last place in the world right now where your money should be going.
Step 1. Put your Novel Corona-sensor to work and gamble proof your life immediately
Have you, like me, noticed that the Corona epidemic has enhanced every feature of human nature. The bad ones get worse and the good ones get better. It is like a fine-tuned instrument that can detect any nuances of human nature and its impacts just that much better than normal. Reality of life is being unveiled in front of us and suddenly everything crystallizes.
Suddenly you know who the people are that care for you; but you sadly also know who the ones are that don’t.
You know what sort of activities are worthwhile, and which ones have only acted to make you upset and miserable.
Now that you are locked up inside; forced into a state of introspection- it all seems so much clearer. This is something we want to put to good use!
So here is what you are going to do; you are going to use every bit of your knowledge for how you would normally try and go after the gambling and make sure that you BLOCK every.single.one of those avenues. This can be done by applying
Monzo
Gamstop
Gamblock
Wifi passwords
Phone restriction softwares and apps
Screen time with password
You can even take it one step further and tuck away your entire laptop or phone for portions of the day, particularly if you are aware that there are certain times that you would be more likely to reach for gambling. This is going to have other benefits for you as well. Rather than focusing our energy on staring into a screen you are now going to focus on YOU.
Step 2. Create your own little Detox environment in the midst of the chaos
We we have talked about how negative this period of time is going to be for a lot of you who have had a gambling problem. What if we decided to take the approach that this could be the best opportunity you ever have to get clean instead? Think about it; everything is shut down- including bookmakers. Online gambling can be blocked both from the end of the gambling facility and the side of your own bank. You have a very rare opportunity to create your own detox environment. Despite some betting sites still choosing to operate their business as usual; bookmakers and casino are closed and just about everything else in our lives is currently limited, even including our movements outside of our home.
This is in many ways the ideal detox environment for you. The only difference is that you didn’t seek it out and you did not get to request the timing of it. Now that it is here, let’s make good use of it!
Step 2. Dealing with withdrawals, boredom and other difficult feelings
If you were indeed in a detox where you were coming off the gambling/drug or alcohol, one of the challenges of suddenly making this shift is that you might be suffering with withdrawals.
Increased cravings, palpitations, anger, irritability and general anxiety can all be parts of this experience. Taking away every opportunity to gamble might not feel as good as we would like it to feel. Please do not confuse this with what is actually good for you. Gambling is definitely not good for you- yet it might feel bad when you remove it from your life. Whilst the feelings you are suddenly stuck with may not be enjoyable, it is important to be aware that it will feel like that so that you don’t knee-jerk back to more pain just to alleviate these feelings. The feelings are showing up to tell you that you are making a change – not to tell you that what you are changing is bad. This is very important.
Try and manage your withdrawals by observation, acknowledgement and if you find it helpful – perhaps also take this opportunity to journal about them. This is a very underrated technique that can help with both processing of emotions and also with detachment. It can also be immensely helpful to go back over your feelings later to see how they have changed. When we write freely and without judgment of what comes out, you will be surprised how much clarity can come from seeing your own words pour out of you. it is a little therapy session in its own right.
Step 3. Creating a routine & sticking with it
During a time like this, it is critical that you keep yourself nicely stimulated in order for the pain to not push you over that dangerous threshold where you suddenly think ‘screw it- I will quit gambling another day’. Having so recently lost your normal routine – if you even had one- this step will require a level of flexibility and creativity.
Basically, the aim is to find alternative ways of getting your normal needs met in an environment that is far more restrictive than the one we are used to.
Assuming you had a bit of a good routine before we entered the lockdown, you can take a snapshot of a normal week/day from before the quarantine and check it through for activities & valued needs that would be taking place on any given day. If you were someone who had finally mastered a good balance in life consisting of work, family time, creative outlets etc then you will use your past habits as a template. If you on the other hand (and don’t be ashamed or sad if this is you- it would be most gamblers I have met with) was struggling even before with a good healthy routine, then find below a few examples of activities that we can put into our daily routines (and some of ideas of which needs they fill for us). Obviously there is no right or wrong here – our needs and preferences are all going to differ, but the need for variety is pretty universal.
Rather than thinking of this as a particularly challenging time - this can also be seen as a particularly easy time to get back to the very basics of our daily existence.
Work - sense of achievement, money to live, teamwork, problem solving, intellectual stimulation, social interaction
Exercise- boost, looking after health & body, mental health boost, discipline, self-control,wellbeing
Kids- caring, helping, educating, loving, attention, giving, fun, feeling playful
Hobbies- creative outlet, feeling productive, growth, self-improvement
Education- self-growth, skills acquisition, expanding mindset,
Socialising – community, support, connection to others, social needs, rewarding
These are just some examples that you can use to stimulate your own thinking and start writing down what sort of daily needs you can identify in yourself.
So now to the actual creating of a routine
When I build my own routine I try to create it according to the following principles:
Variety – work in hour blocks and based on what you know about yourself, ensure that you don’t expect the impossible. If your focus is only one hour – then you can do one hour followed by a brief reward, and then you do another hour of something harder..
Activities that are harder to accomplish gets layered with rewarding activities
Flexibility – i.e., there are some margins and if something doesn’t happen the way you wanted it to; there is still enough give for you to keep the rest of the routine going
Whilst there is variety in terms of activities there is also a lot of sameness; for example exercise happens at the same time on the same days, writing reports might happen at a particular time every week- this is in order to help with habit building and make it less strenuous to transition between tasks all the time
Make sure you leave room for the things that you enjoy doing every single day (We are striving for balance and persistence rather than quick bursts of amazing productivity followed by long periods of idleness)
I know that many gamblers start getting goosebumps when I bring out my papers and pens, but in order to build up new habits it really does help to write things done first. If you have a white board this is perhaps ideal as you can see it all the time. If you don’t have one, try and tape a few sheets of papers together to create a large poster that you can add your weekly routine to and put it in a visible place. When you try doing life in accordance with your new routine, you will find that some things work better than others. Your new routine is not set in stone and can change dynamically all the time. The main point is that you start gaining an understanding of how you work, what works for you and ultimately get better at using methods that actually work for you rather than being being punitive, critical or mean to yourself in trying to get things done, whilst still ending up doing very little.
Step 5. Teach yourself to see the silver lining of the quarantine
I know this sounds a little cliché , but in every painful experience there is going to be learning and there is always a silver lining, if only we make an effort to find it. None of us chose the current predicament and no doubt is there going to be a lot of suffering coming from the losses of jobs, poor health, deaths and loss and instability. Many homes are not going to be safe places for a quarantine and being on lockdown with people who you are not getting along with is not going to be pleasant. This is a time to try and change only those things that you can control by taking constructive action, all while trying to not waste energy on the things that you don’t have control over. This is easier said than done.
A good way of finding a silver lining is to practice gratitude for the things we have. Make this a daily habit even if only for a few minutes at the time. This helps us keep our mind on the small positives of our situation and creates a feeling of satisfaction and contentment. A state of mind that can be very protective and calming. This can also be a time to show open curiosity to difficult mood states such as boredom, unhappiness and cravings since, if you have followed the previous few steps, are not in a position where you can act on any of them. Try and figure out what it is about these emotions that is so unpleasant and unbearable that you have to avoid them by running to the gambling. Remind yourself that the only way to resolve this is to understand yourself so that you can meet your needs in a healthy manner – rather than spending a life time running away from yourself, all whilst adding to the chaos and stress with further gambling.
Adding to your experience, you can also try to find a list of things that you previously have wanted to try and just never did- and then start trying to build them into your routine.
Here is a list of some enriching activities:
Online museums
Online sports/yoga classes (you can find many free via livestream Instagram)
Drawing or colouring
write a journal
Get in touch with old friends and family members
See if you can help someone online – even a small chat to a person in need might help them greatly.
AA, NA, GA etc from what I hear are all doing meetings online that are free to attend.
Download Zoom and connect face-to-face with someone who you have not spoken to in a while
Download the ‘duolingo’ app and learn a new language
Watch some TED talks
Find some inspirational blogs that you can follow
Just to avoid one of the most common pitfalls, make sure that you don’t write things off before actually trying them on. If you try something and don’t like it- no problems – but remember it is action that counts here not the contemplation of taking action!
If you look really hard you might also notice that there are certain changes to your life that you might be able to welcome in for the long haul. Remember for example that - like it or not - this quarantine will force you in to a position where you have to make do with what you have, be it money, space, belongings etc. and get crafty with it. This skill will never be wasted. You might find that breaking out of routines of ordering take-outs, visiting the pub excessively etc all go out the window as well. Don’t forget to take stock on the behaviour changes that are actually desirable even if you would have never thought of implementing them voluntarily.
Step 5. Adjust your attitude & find the enjoyment in the present moment
If your mind is sounding like a broken record with thoughts of ‘if only…’ ‘why…’ and ‘what if. ‘ then you will find that the mood will follow swiftly. Our minds are as good as going into habit mode as our actions are and the minute that we lose consciousness and have a bit too much time on our hands; that is when our minds start to drift into unhelpful spirals of negative thinking.
Whilst I am not saying that you must not think about future or past stuff, just make sure that in doing so, you apply a bit of logic and problem solving as opposed to the endless regurgitation of the same old thoughts. If ruminating and worrying were efficient in bringing closure or solutions - they would by now bear fruit.
If there is one thing that we need to get comfortable with in the current situation, it is the present moment. Why? Because nobody really knows how the next weeks, months or years are going to look. Not that we really know during normal circumstances either, but at least before the Corona-quarantine there was an expectation that most of daily habits could go on unchanged. At the moment, there is uncertainty in everything. When there is uncertainty, it is natural to want to grasp for every bit of control that we can find. Here is where your mind might even think that a bet sounds like good ole’ familiar territory. Trust that this is a trick of the mind and absolutely not a good idea. Instead, try to ground yourself in the present moment and recognize that in spite of all the things that are uncertain, anything that we can connect to in the present moment is actually real and happening.
e.g. Look at the clouds, the sky, the trees and sunshine. These things are certain and they are beautiful and calming for us to connect with. Rely on your senses to ground yourself; see what you can smell, hear, see and taste. In addition to being calming this is also a useful way of learning to take yourself out of your mind and into life itself.
I hope you can find some help from these steps. If you have already come some way in your recovery, you can obviously go lighter on the first few steps but try to focus harder on the latter ones.
Any questions? Don’t hesitate to get in touch
All my best wishes for this difficult time
Annika X
image source: royalty free images : Sisyphus